When selecting the most read blog posts that I’ve written, I have to take into consideration the amount of time the post has been available to be read. Surprisingly, some posts get period views because they turn up in various internet searches.

The 3rd most viewed post, allowing for the amount of time it’s been available, is one I called Heavenly Sex. I wrote it about 18 months ago, but in continues to be read and, I suppose, turn up in internet searches. The first line of the post says, “I thought that title might attract a few more readers, but this post is as much about heaven as it is about sex.” It was prompted by a couple of items I had read recently while researching another topic and I decided to share my thoughts. Enjoy!

Heavenly Sex

I thought that title might attract a few more readers, but this post is as much about heaven as it is about sex.

I’ve heard lots of people refer to those who have passed away as doing all kinds of things in heaven – watching over us, playing golf, fishing, singing, spending time with specific people, etc. Sometimes these observations are made because they know their loved ones enjoyed those things, and sometimes they’re made because the person speaking is articulating what they would like their loved one to be doing, or they would like to do themselves!

So… back to my title. I’m using this post to tell you about three resources that I’ve found interesting. First, regarding sex… I like it. It’s fun. It’s a wonderful gift that God gave us to enjoy with our spouse. Therefore, I hope it’s something we’ll continue to enjoy in heaven. But is this just wishful thinking on my part? It seems to me that the preponderance of commentary and arguments on this topic fall on the side of “No. There will not be sex in heaven.”

I’ve been reading the blog and following the ministry of Julie (goes by “J”) Parker of Hot, Holy, and Humorous for over a decade now. In my opinion, she has one of the most biblical and reasoned approaches to this topic than anyone else that I’ve found. In her first blog post of 2024 she made the statement “Likewise, it can take time to see the results of your devoted efforts toward a better sex life…and marriage…. We must persevere, doing the right thing whether we see the results or not. In fact—and I kinda hate to have to say this, but it’s true—you may not see the results you long for this side of Heaven. In terms of a thriving sexual relationship with your spouse, that is. After all, you’re only half of the equation. But loving your spouse is never the wrong choice.” Later in the post she said, “I have a personal testimony of how following God’s design for sex in marriage yielded pleasure and intimacy beyond anything I foolishly pursued on my own before. But it’s not perfect. This side of Heaven, it never will be.“

I underlined the phrases that caught my attention. I didn’t recall her ever writing about sex in heaven, so I posed the question to her (which you’ll find at the bottom of the comments on the blog post linked above) – “You used the phrase ‘this side of heaven’ twice. Have you written before about, or do you have thoughts on sexual intimacy in heaven?”

You can read her response. It’s well documented, reasonable, and fits what I believe to be the standard view on sex in heaven – that no, it won’t be happening. Her two basic points are that

• sex shouldn’t be outside the constraints of marriage and Jesus clearly indicated there is no marriage in heaven.
• The purposes of sex are procreation, pleasure, and intimacy and we won’t need those in heaven.

Her explanation is longer than that and again, well-documented, reasonable, and justified, and they pretty much follow the arguments that I’ve read from lots of other commentators. Personally, I don’t think we WILL know the answer “this side of heaven”, but I wanted to offer some thoughts on the two bulleted assertions above (without engaging with other commenters on her site – sorry, J!)

Sex shouldn’t be outside the constraints of marriage.

This is a fundamental assertion of Scripture. One of the ten commandments is “You shall not commit adultery.” (Exodus 20:14) Jesus expanded this in the sermon on the mount (Matthew 5:27-28) – “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” These words are true and I don’t dispute or disagree with them.

The Bible links sex in marriage with the concept of intimacy and adultery. Sex in a godly marriage is designed to be an illustration to the world of intimacy and fidelity with God. This is consistent throughout all of scripture. In Leviticus 18 there are a bunch of prohibitions about having sex with close relatives, homosexual relations, polygamy, bestiality, and adultery. As a side note, these prohibitions (except for polygamy) are about sex and don’t specifically mention marriage to these people, but that would be the implication. At any rate, I’ve always been intrigued by the fact that right in the middle of these prohibitions on various forms of sex is the statement (verse 21) “You shall not give any of your children to offer them to Molech, and so profane the name of your God: I am the LORD.” The next paragraph explains why these things are prohibited – “Do not make yourselves unclean by any of these things, for by all these the nations I am driving out before you have become unclean,…” I think there’s more to it, though.

Throughout the Old Testament God links idolatry with adultery using statements like this one from Jeremiah 3:

The LORD said to me in the days of King Josiah: “Have you seen what she did, that faithless one, Israel, how she went up on every high hill and under every green tree, and there played the whore? And I thought, ‘After she has done all this she will return to me,’ but she did not return, and her treacherous sister Judah saw it. She saw that for all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce. Yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but she too went and played the whore. Because she took her whoredom lightly, she polluted the land, committing adultery with stone and tree. Yet for all this her treacherous sister Judah did not return to me with her whole heart, but in pretense, declares the LORD.”

Faithfulness in marriage is intended to be a picture to the world of our relationship with God. When we alter that picture, we damage the image that God wants us to portray. Regarding the possibility of sex in heaven, though, my thoughts turn back to the origin of sex – original creation and the garden of Eden.

Genesis 1:27-28a says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it….” Then the next chapter ends with these two verses – “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” The implication is that the man and the woman (Adam and Eve) were considered married (e.g. man and his wife), were commanded to populate the world, and therefore sex was a part of God’s good original “pre-sin” creation.

I believe that at this point sex and marriage were already serving as an illustration to creation of what a relationship with God looks like. But before sin, who needed to see this image? Peter addresses this in his two epistles. In 2 Peter 2:4 he says, “God did not spare angels when they sinned, but cast them into hell and committed them to chains of gloomy darkness to be kept until the judgment.” We often speak of the sin of Adam and Eve in the garden as “original sin”, but it’s actually original “human” sin. Satan and his followers sinned first and were thrown out of heaven. In 1 Peter 1:12, Peter indicates something else about angels – “It was revealed to them [the prophets] that they were serving not themselves but you, in the things that have now been announced to you through those who preached the good news to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven, things into which angels long to look.” I don’t pretend to understand all of this, but angels are created beings, just as humans are, but they and we are different. We don’t become angels when we die – we remain human. We are created in the image of God (both male and female) and there is something about our relationship with each other that is unique. Some of the angels rebelled (sinned) and were/will be punished, but unlike humans, the sin of those who rebelled did not transfer or get inherited by the other angels. Humans, on the other hand, began as one pair and when they sinned, their sin nature was transferred to all their offspring. The angels (both obedient and rebellious ones) are watching human history play out to gain understanding of what our relationship with God is all about. Therefore, THAT’S who I think the original marriage, sex, etc. were being used for – an object lesson for the angels to teach them about God. That means that before sin, sex in marriage had a purpose and was an intended part of creation.

Now on to J. Parker’s second assertion.

The purposes of sex are procreation, pleasure, and intimacy and we won’t need those in heaven.

I’ve already added an additional purpose (object lesson for illustrating a relationship with God) besides the ones Mrs. Parker identified, and I offer the suggestion that this purpose continues in heaven as we continue modeling our unique human relationship with God. The question that I now want to address is whether these additional three purposes of sex (procreation, pleasure, and intimacy) will continue in heaven.

I refer you now to a second resource. Randy Alcorn is the author of the book Heaven, and a bunch of other related resources. He addresses all sorts of questions about what the Bible asserts about heaven and what our lives will be like. His insights are very interesting and worth at least serious consideration, whether one fully agrees with them or not. I find that his arguments are plausible and well-reasoned, much as I do those of Julie Parker (referenced above).

In the chapter on whether heaven will incorporate elements of family and marriage, he discusses sex. In that discussion he writes (my underline),

“Because sex was designed to be part of a marriage relationship, marriage and sex logically belong together. Because we’re told that humans won’t be married to each other, and sex is intended for marriage, then logically we won’t be engaging in sex. This appears to be, then, an exception to the principle of continuity. However, since there’s a different sort of continuity between earthly marriage and the marriage of Christ to his church, there may also be some way in which the intimacy and pleasure we now know as sex will also be fulfilled in some higher form. I don’t know what that would be, but I do know that sex was designed by God, and I don’t expect him to discard it without replacing it with something better. There’s a unique metaphysical power to sexual union. It’s no coincidence that pagan worship often involved sexual acts. As immoral as these acts were, they recognized a transcendent spiritual nature to sex. This otherworldliness is again a signpost—and it suggests that sexual relations in this world foreshadow something greater in the next world.”

I underlined his statement about the absence of sex in heaven being an exception to his principle of continuity. Essentially, he argues that the things we do on Earth now will continue in some form in heaven. This includes such things as eating, drinking, exploring, learning, teaching, worshipping, commerce, invention, creativity, etc. So it seems to stand to reason, in my mind – and Alcorn acknowledges this possibility – that sex will continue as well. It may very well look and be different, just as all those other things will be different, but there will be continuity as well.

As for Julie Parker’s statement regarding procreation, pleasure, and intimacy, I think these fall in line with Alcorn’s principle of continuity. We will find pleasure in doing things in heaven. We will be in intimate relationships (with God, but I believe with others as well). As for procreation, there is no data on this, but I believe that since it was part of original pre-sin creation, it may very well be part of eternity. However, we may not know, as Mrs. Parker, says, “this side of heaven.”

One final resource I’ll mention is an article by Peter Kreeft on this topic. Kreeft is a well-known scholar and has written a thoughtful treatise on this topic. His conclusion is not quite the same as mine, but again, as with Parker and Alcorn, I feel it is a carefully reasoned-out answer to the question.

I, myself, still don’t have a firm conclusion or understanding on this topic. But it sure is fun to think about!